Heavy Heart

Today I have a very heavy heart. This year has been a very trying year, I feel like I have been pulled in a million different directions and I am slowly starting to break down. There have been good and bad times this year but it seems like the bad outweighs the good sometimes. I think the devil is just working overtime on me. There are so many things that have happened this year that have just really hurt me and tested me. I am doing my best to stay upbeat and calm about it all but over time I slowly start to crack. I am one of those people that hold things in for so long and then one day I just break down. I feel like I am reaching the break down point. Chase and I first year of marriage has been trying to figure out what's wrong with him cause he has been sick for months on end. We now are talking about going to a specialist in Little Rock cause it seems like it continues to only get worse. On top of all of that there have been a million different things going on and as much as we are trying to be at all of them we can't. I feel like I can't please everyone and everything that we do is not good enough. Someone ends up mad cause we didn't do this or go here or pay for that or spend time with that person. And honestly I am so sick of it!!! We are doing the best we can and if that's not good enough then maybe our friendship isn't really what I thought it was. All I want to do right now is focus on my family and getting my husband better. It kills me to see him so sick all the time, so we are going to focus on that and if that upset's people then I am sorry for that but it's time that we focus on his health and us. When you first get married you never dream your first year will be in and out of Dr. Offices but God has a plan for us and I trust that he will give us answers. So for now I am just praying for peace and guidance, the rest of the world can wait.