Growing older is hard.....

Well every year that passes my dad ages, my mom ages, my brother ages...everyone around me including myself ages. Over time it gets harder and harder to see. Especially my sweet lil mammaw. She is 92 years old and I know that she will not live forever but all of my life I have never seen her down or sick. She has been in the hospital before, but I was never exposed to it. I have always just seen her as such a strong little woman. And I do mean little, I think she weights 85 pounds but she is one of the strongest ladies I know. She just recently had a stroke and while I know that a stroke can change the apperance of someone I wasn't prepared to see what I saw on Saturday. My poor mammaw didn't look like herself. She was compeltely coherent but can't speak or move much at all. It was devestating for me to see. When she saw me she started to cry so I took her hand and told her it's ok don't cry, you are going to pull through from this. I told her you are so strong and have lots of people praying for you. She shook her head yes and just squeezed my hand. I had a huge knot in my throat and couldn't stop the tears from coming down. When she saw my tears she just cried with me. She never took her eyes off of me and she kept trying to say something. So I just looked at her and said I love you too. She means so much to me and it kills me to see her like that. But on a brighter note she is doing really well considering her age. She knows what's going on around her and can shake her head yes and no to respond to anything you say. Chase acutally got her to giggle out loud..which brought all of us so much joy to hear her laugh. It kills me to not be able to stay with her. I just want to pick up everything and stay with her until she is well. But I can't do that. I have bills that have to be paid. The nurses are taking GREAT care of her and family members that are closer to the area are taking shifts staying with her. It just breaks my heart to see her this way but I know God will do what needs to be done and only he knows when it's her time to go. Until then I will continue to make trips to see her. I wore her out Saturday while I was there, she wanted me to brush her hair, put lotion on her face, chapstick on her lips and put water on her tongue. I didn't want to leave but knew it was time for me to go. She was getting so sleepy but kept trying to stay awake and she just stared and me while I sat by her. She is so precious to me and my family. We could all learn a few lessons from her. :)